Show, Not Tell — Another Exercise

ElbertIt’s no secret when Elbert is at a party. Those plaid shirts are hard to miss. He’s not a bad chap, really. Some of his witticisms are quaintly amusing.

The glasses aren’t bad, though wire frames might be less geeky. Though with that hair, it’s hard to say. Could be quite stylish if it were brushed once after he gelled it.

Jeans are acceptable party wear, I suppose, though I’d have opted for something pleated. To each his own. At least jeans and plaid go together, usually.

It’s nice to see someone that age retaining their youthful sensibilities. Most folks his age would have settled into more mature dress and grooming. That, um, quirkiness is just part of his appeal to most people.

Tell and Show: An Exercise

practice makes noise
Billy was angry.

Billy shoved the blocks off the table, growling like a little animal.

The chicken was terrible.

Picking strings of dried meat from my teeth, I tried not to make eye contact with my hostess.

They ran as fast as they could.

Skidding around the corner they bounced off a dumpster so hard they gained momentum rather than losing it.

The door made a scary sound.

As she pushed the door with her shoulder the tortured hinges screamed.